Hello. I’m not John! *Music* John’s punishment was to do five videos in five days, but unfortunately it looks like he’s not going to do that, because of…! Something. Something I’m not gonna tell you about right now. I don’t know if you know this, but I actually have a version of Question Tuesdays as well. It’s when I answer one of your questions in a very long-winded fashion, and then I ask you, like, twelve questions. It’s little-known, because we’ve never actually done it, but that’s what I do instead of Question Tuesdays. So I’m gonna start with the most frequently asked question I receive. “Dude, how many chocolate-flavored espresso beans did you eat today?!” That’s probably the question that I get the most often. The answer to that question, in every single one of my videos, has been none. In fact, I pretty religiously avoid caffeine. Because as you can imagine, the effects on a guy like me might be a little bit dangerous. But, in order to show you what that’s like, I have here a shot of espresso. With some milk and some water. And some sugar! Which is how I like it. I love the taste of coffee, I just don’t like caffeine. And I’m gonna drink it. And you’re gonna see what happens. How long does it take for caffeine to hit? Uh, Google? About five minutes, with the peak effects at thirty minutes. So, I should be feeling it soon. do-dodo-do *Fake Brittish Accent* I have not yet started to feel the effects of the coffee. Maybe I have! *Back to normal voice* Was that like a little British rap? In the meantime let’s talk about why John’s not here. Unfortunately, John has spent most of the day in the doggie hospital. Oh, not the doggie hospital!!! Willie is okay, don’t worry. But Willie is also, um… adorably injured. This is probably the most adorable broken foot that you’ve ever seen. Here it is. Oh my god. So that’s why John’s excused.
Because his puppy has a peg leg. Just a question of John, can you get an eye patch? And maybe a parrot? An eye patch, at the very least, for tomorrow’s video. I want to see an eye patch in addition to the peg leg. Because while, you know, I’m definitely on team ninja,
a pirate puppy would be pretty awesome. So let’s start with cute, yeah, that’s cute but— but give it a peg leg—yeah— yeah, now, uh, an eyepatch! Yessss. So, while we’re waiting for the caffeine to effect now comes the part of the video— wow the caffeine has taken effect! Now comes the part of the video where I ask you questions! Okay, okay. Resisting urge to bock like a chicken. So since Michigan I’ve been having this problem. I can’t stop thinking about the difference between mono- and uni-. They’re both Latin prefixes…for the same thing! Why aren’t there just monoversities and monotards? “No, he’s monotonous!”
“No, UNotonous!” How come nobody ever dies of carbon unoxide poisoning? Another thing with Latin: Why is trivia “tri-via”? That’s like “three streets”. Three-street pursuit. Also been wondering if there are more murders on TV or in real life. If anybody could let me know, um, excluding wars, are there more murders on TV or in real life? Why do I wanna bock like a chicken?! Ghh! Kh, p. W-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-when, when, when like, I go through airport security and I like, forget my change that I put in a little thingy, what happens to that? Did the people just take it? Or d—like, does it go to the US treasury? Four times I’ve gone through and like, left, you know, 35 cents. And, you know that’s not a big deal for me, but I kinda wanna know what happens to that money! Maybe there should be a t—I think there should be! I think there should be a tip jar for transportation security people. Because that job sucks! I don’t want to bock like a chicken! [Groans] Bock, bock, bock, bock… Can you do anagrams and math? If anybody knows any way to incorporate anagrams into math, I would really like to know about that. Want to know if evil people have pets. Like does, did Hitler have a pet? Or, like, Stalin? If you know about evil people’s pets, let me know. Brk, brk, brk, brk, brk, b’kock. Brrk! Do you want a copy of Paper Towns? Because in this video, I actually get to give one away! This is the first time I’ve gotten to give one away, so I get to give one away. One lucky random commenter will receive one! Awwww!! Just, too much energy in me! What the frick is up with an iota? What is an iota? Why is there only one? Why can you never have two iotas? I don’t care one iota! What the frick does that mean?! If you have answers to any questions at all, including the ones that I’ve just asked, but also including all of the questions in the world, leave them in the comments! I appreciate it! Thank you! Brk. B’grlg John, I’ll see you tomorrow.