Open your eyes… Open your eyes… Wake up, Link… Just a few more minutes… Wake the hell up! Jeez, fine! I’m up! And what the hell is this thing? This is the Nintendo Switch™. Okay… Just slide on the Joy-Cons™. Come on, get in there! I think I put in on backwards…? Now it’s stuck! Oh jeez, it’s not that hard. Are you not rested? Was one hundred years not long enough of a nap for you? Wait, so you’re saying I’m over a hundred years old? Yes, and so am I. But you… You, you’re still hot, right? I mean… I mean, I look good. Damn good. (Sigh) Is that all you care about? I would do me if I could. Wow! An open world? Maybe a little too open? I mean, that’s way too much grass to cut. You no longer need to cut grass for hearts, Link. You simply just need to find food and kill animals for meat. Riight. I’m not finished. And then combine them and cook them using many different recipes, in cooking pots scattered across the land. That sounds incredibly tedious. You’re tedious! Good one, Zelda. Soo, where do I go? Just… Go. Aha. Could you narrow it down a little bit? You are the light… And our light must shine upon Hyrule, bla bla bla bla bla. I’m a light. Great. That’s really helpful. Ah! My first battle! (Beating and yelling in background) I’m a light!
(More beating and yelling) You’re dead? Already!? (Snort) Well that was a waste of time. You may also carry several different weapons, but they will all break after some use. Same goes for shields, bows, et cetera… That also sounds tedious.