Travel Nightmares Rant | THE BIG BLOWUP

Travel Nightmares Rant | THE BIG BLOWUP

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( high pitched voice )
I declare my love for Rihanna.( music playing )You may be planning
your big summer vacation
right now, but you know what? When there’s travel,
there’s frustration, there’s hassle, but it’s much better
to vent it now before the trip, so that you can enjoy yourself when the summer starts. So we’re about to express
our travel rage, just get it out of our system, and since this is such
a serious subject, we’re doing it with helium. It’s time for… We’ve only got one rule. You can only rage as long as the helium lasts. So let’s start complaining. ( high pitched voice )
I hate how small
the bathrooms are on airplanes. I’m a very tall person. It’s almost impossible
to enjoy a nice relaxing bath. ( high pitched voice )
I hate when they
make me turn my phone off during takeoff. My phone is my
emotional support object and I can’t relax without it. I hate how they only give you
leis when you land in Hawaii. I’d enjoy going to Detroit
so much more if I could just wear some
flowers around my neck. I hate it when they confiscate
my bottle of Pert Plus shampoo
and conditioner in security. I was gonna drink that
on the plane! I hate when I cross the border and the guards ask me
if I have anything to declare and then act all surprised
when I say, I declare my love for Rihanna! I hate when the captain says
to check out the amazing view
on one side of the plane and I can’t see anything because
I’m seated on the other side, so I have to walk
across the aisle and lay across a row of people just to get a good view. I hate when I’m Lyfting
to the airport and my driver asks me
where I’m going. Why do you wanna know? You planning to follow me there? Who sent you?
Who do you work for? Let me out right now,
Braxton. I hate it when the passenger
next to me takes off his shoes and then his pants. I hate when you’re on
a long road trip and the kids in the back
won’t stop crying. It’s like, “Hey, kids, you
shouldn’t have asked me to put
on a movie if you didn’t wanna watch
‘Schindler’s List.'” I hate it when the people
you’re sitting next to
on the plane is the guy who used to shoot
an internet talk show with and he insists on taking
a picture of you sleeping
with your mouth gaped open and he posts it on Instagram. Sorry about that.
I’ll do it again. Multiple times! I hate when airport security
asks me to go
through the body scanner but gets mad
when I take my clothes off,
curl into a ball, and pretend I’ve been sent
from the future to find a newborn child. I hate it when the Airbnb
I rented isn’t ready in time, and there’s still
a couple staying there and they claim I have
the wrong address
and I didn’t rent their place I just can’t fall asleep when
they’re standing over the bed
screaming at me. You know what? You should’ve rented the place
longer if you loved it so much. I’m gonna call the owner! I think that was
very therapeutic. I feel better. Next, we’re tasting the best and worst
discontinued candies, including one that’s
at least 50 years old. Ooh. Rhett:Wanna hear us whisper
sweet nothings into your ear?
Go download the newest
Ear Biscuits podcast
on Apple podcast
and wherever you get
your podcasts.

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